


Out of the darkness came his light.

by Thedouph



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky's a retired war vet, Coming Out, Domestic Life AU, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, unsupportive parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7945915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thedouph/pseuds/Thedouph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky didn't think anyone could ever love a mentally broken retired war vet with a metal prosthetic. To make matters worse he was dealing with a secret he could never tell his homophobic family. So in conclusion, his life was a mess, and it would take a miracle to turn it around. Who would've thought his miracle would come in the form of an angel, who took the liberty of hitting him with his car?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [woodland59](https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodland59/gifts).



The pit-pat sound of raindrops tapping  against the window sill drew an irritated sigh from Bucky, gaze turning to focus outside where he could barely make out the concrete track where he did his morning runs. He should be out there right now, he reminded himself as he glanced at the clock for what was at least the 3rd time in the past 5 minutes. 4:58. He could've told himself that. His drug dealer could be waiting out there. they were supposed to meet at 5am, though with the weather conditions like this... Bucky doubted that was happening. Groaning the brunette fell back into the cushions of the couch, nails impatiently tapping against his thigh.

"Buck?"

Bucky glanced up at the sound of a tired voice, a small smile appearing on his face. It was his brother. "Hey, Jack." He greeted, fingers stilling for a moment; gaze following the other man as he busied himself pouring a glass of water.

"Buck, the rain isn't letting up anytime soon, just go back to bed."

 _Get into a habit_ his therapist had reminded him time and time again. _Pattern. Repetition._ It was all supposed to help.

"Thanks mom," he muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Jackson just rolled his eyes, smirking as he walked over. "No problem. Y'know I have to look out for my little Bro."

"You're 20 minutes older then me."

"Are you sure? Then better start _acting_ like you're 28,  'cause I would've guessed you were half that."

Bucky didn't reply, just falling into a comfortable silence. He barely registered it when Jack sat down beside him, drawing his feet up so they rested on the coffee table in front of them.

A moment passed before his brother broke the silence with a question Bucky had been dreading,  snapping him back awake.

"So you bringing anyone to the charity event?"

The brunette physically groaned in response, blinking open his eyes to glare at Jack. "And to think I was actually following your advice for once."

Jackson shrugged, though kept his gaze trained on Bucky, waiting for an answer.

"No, okay? I don't even know why any of you guys ask me anymore. You think someone would actually want a broken war vet with a metal prosthetic?!" Bucky had been released from duty just a few years ago, but the memories of the war still haunted him. He hadn't given his brother the full truth though. Sure, it was true no one would ever want him. That part didn't matter as much. The thing was though, he wasn't like the rest of his family. Wasn't into the goody girl catholic girls that showed up at church every Sunday, dressed in their floral dresses and what-not. No one else had to know that. Bucky could let it rot inside him until he grew old and died, never let anyone see him for who he is.

"Christ, James! Would you stop telling yourself that?!"

Screw it. A little rain won't kill him. Bucky  pierced his lips together, saying nothing as he pushed himself to his feet and walked over to the door where his rain jacket hung neatly from the hook on the wall. 

_Nobody_

He tore his coat off the hook

_Could ever_

"Buck-" Jack's words were cut off as Bucky threw the door open, immediately being greeted by rain whipping into his face and slamming it shut behind him.

 _Know_.

The war hadn't just taken his arm. It had taken his sanity, in the form of PTSD. As the loud crack of Thunder sounded from above him it sent Bucky into a panic, reminding him all too well of the days he spent, fearing for his life in trenches where he was left to think about his life and hoping he'd still be alive a week from then.

"Shit," he gasped as the sky lit up with lightning, reacting quickly by pulling his jacket tighter around him. He felt his heart rate speed up, felt the blood rushing in his ears. He suddenly couldn't remember where he was, expecting to see soldiers dressed in their military uniforms surrounding him, but their was nothing but the continuos onslaught of rain. The ground suddenly hardened as he stepped onto a road, and it wasn't until then that Bucky was finally able to get his bearings. He was right by the lake, the gleam of the moon making an appearance behind the layer of fog as it reflected off the surface of the water.  No sooner had he made that realization when a large dark figure came hurtling towards him, a gleam of light breaking through the fog, blinding him as a new wave of panic swept over him.

 _Move!_ His mind screamed at him, but he was rooted in fear. Bucky could tell the exact moment the driver of the car noticed him, as suddenly he heard the squeal of breaks being slammed on, alongside the sound of tire against asphalt, but it was just a heartbeat too late. The car hit him with enough force to throw him backwards, over the side of the road and into the lake. If you'd asked him about it though, he couldn't have been able to tell you. The force of the hit had knocked him out cold.  
\----

_It was in 8th grade when the question first came up of who he liked. All his friends at the time were starting to date, bringing home girls and talking about their crushes. He remembered the exact moment when his friend Brock asked him, "So who do you like?"_

_It hadn't been until that moment when Bucky started questioning himself. He couldn't remember ever being even remotely interested in someone. He'd never been caught staring at some girl who's skirt was just the slightest bit too short, or who's neck line went down a little too far._

_And then Highschool came around, and by then he'd heard enough names to learn the best thing to do was ignore them. So that's what he did. until one day, he caught himself staring. At a guy. Shirtless. In the locker room._

\---

The memory faded as he began to feel a faint ache in his chest. Suddenly he started choking, eyes shooting open as a fit of coughing wracked his body. Every single one of his muscles screamed with exhaustion as he choked up water, groaning with the effort.

"Thank God..."

Bucky turned his head, gaze focusing on on a man leaning over him, hands placed firmly on his chest. The stranger had messy blond hair, broad shoulders and a face etched with a look of worry and fear.

'What the hell?? Were you... Were you giving me CPR??" His gaze flickered over the man who's mouth had parted slightly, seeming at a loss for words. "What happened??" His voice was hoarse and strained, sending him into another fit of coughing.

"I...you were just standing in the middle of the road.. I couldn't see you through the rain." The stranger swallowed uneasily, clearly feeling an extreme amount of guilt.

"So you hit me with you car?"

"I..." Stranger sat back on his heels, scratching his neck in an attempt to think up some excuse. "Yeah."

Bucky could only let out an exasperated laugh. There was no way this was happening to him. "So you hit me with your car, drove me into the lake, then pulled me out and gave me CPR?"

"I saved your life."

"Lucky me."

The man gave him a concerned look, letting out a sigh. "Look, I dropped my phone while pulling you out which is why you aren't being swarmed with ambulances. The least I could do is drive you to the hospital."

"It's fine, my house's just up the hill." With that Bucky started sitting up, the action instantly being met with pain. It felt like a knife was tearing into his chest, and suddenly Bucky couldn't breath. He collapsed back onto the ground, panic setting in as the edges of his vision started to darken. He could hear the man yelling, but it sounded far away. Suddenly he was being lifted off the ground, gasping as the pain worsened and he eagerly greeted the darkness that enveloped him as he slipped back out of consciousness.

 

________________________

 

Reference pictures

Steve:

 

Bucky:  


	2. Chapter 2

Way to go, Rogers. Leave it to you to hit a guy with your car. What had he been doing standing in the middle of the road anyway?

Steve glanced into the mirror to see the man was still out cold, laying on his back in the back seat. Seeing him like that made Steve's heart break, only encouraging him to push harder on the gas, tearing through the empty streets in a hurry to make it to the hospital. He finally pulled up, jumping out of the car and yanking open the back door. He pulled the brunette into his arms, carrying him bridal style as he rushed into the emergency room.

Steve handed the brunet off to the first doctor he saw, who whisked him off after listening a brief description of what happened. He was then directed to a nurse who instructed him to put his number down for the mans emergency contact.

"You said you don't know who he is?"

Steve shook his head, meeting the nurses gaze. "It was early this morning, the rain was coming down hard and I saw him at the last second. Didn't have enough time to stop."

The nurse nodded, jotting a few things down before pulling what appeared to be a necklace from her pocket. "He had these dog tags on his neck, tucked under his shirt. Go ahead and take a look."

Steve reached out, taking the thin chain from her and turning them over. On the other side was a name and rank, followed by a series of numbers. "James Barnes..." He murmured, a fresh wave of guilt washing over him with this new information. That name though... it seemed so familiar. A face he just couldn't quite place but it was right there. "Thank you," he said, letting out a sigh. He knew what he needed to do. "I'll be back to check up on him. You said you'll call if anything changes?"

"You'll be the first to know," the nurse confirmed, offering him a small smile.

Feeling a little better Steve left the hospital, dog chains held tightly in his hand. The man, James, had told him he lived just up the hill. That left only two houses, he realized upon pulling back up to the site where his morning had gone to hell. Letting out a heavy breath he turned off the ignition, getting out of the car and walking up the hill towards the first house. He rang the doorbell and waited. Soon enough a man opened the door, giving Steve an odd look as if he had been expecting someone else.

"Can I help you?"

The man was tall, maybe just an inch or two shorted then Steve. He had brown hair, styled up, as well as a tight fitting leather jacket on.

"Uh, yeah, actually...Does a James Barnes live here?" Steve swallowed, seeing the mans gaze narrow.

"James is my brother...He goes by Bucky." Suddenly realization dawned on his face, and he stumbled back away from the door. "Oh my God what happened to him? Why didn't I follow him, I'm such an idiot! Please tell me he's okay, mom's gonna kill me..."

Well, shit.

"James is... He's in the hospital." The words came out nothing more then a whisper and Steve wished he could take every thing back as he saw the man fall back onto a couch, face buried in his hands, muttering a series of incomprehensible words. It was clear he was very protective over his brother.

"What did he do this time? Jump off a bridge? Please tell me he didn't overdose again..."

Steve's face drained, stepping into the mans house. Bucky had attempted suicide before? "No no, nothing like that... I hit him with my car, he was just standing in the middle of the road during that storm and I didn't even see him."

The man fell silent, gaze dropping to the floor. "He's alive." The words came out with a breath of relief and Steve could only wonder the story behind the mysterious man he'd sent to the hospital.

Steve nodded, running a hand through his hair. "He's unconscious though... I...I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. He has PTSD and a ton of other shit he has to worry about." The man let out a breath, getting to his feet to hold out a hand. "Jackson Barnes" he finally said.

Steve shook Jackson's hand, grateful that the man didn't appear mad. "Steve Rogers," he replied.  
\-------  
Steve: 'Sam'

Sam: 'Hey man, what's up?'

Steve stared down at his phone, not quite sure how to put this.

Steve: 'I hit a guy with my car.'

Sam: '...'

Sam: 'Is he cute?'

Steve: I swear, between you and Natasha...

Sam: you've been single for three years, before you know it you'll be a 60 year old single guy who's thrown away his life.

Steve let out a sigh, getting up to walk over to the edge of the hospital bed where Bucky still hadn't woken up. It had nearly been a week, and Steve had hardly left the room at all. He didn't know what it was, but this man had filled a void within him that he hadn't realized had been missing. Jackson had been in and out frequently, looking more worried as more time past. He took in the site of the brunette, hooked up to tubes and wires and Steve's heart just shattered completely. Cute? That was an understatement. This man was beautiful.

Steve: 'I'll talk to you later, Sam.' He replied, not in the mood to deal with his friends matchmaking.

His gaze trailed over to the brunettes left arm, or where his arm _should_ have been. Instead in it's place was a metal prosthetic, a single red star imprinted at the top. He'd gotten used to seeing the arm over the last several days, though it had come as a surprise at first. Steve absentmindedly traced his finger over Bucky's jaw, before running his fingers through his hair. Suddenly he heard the man groan, and he quickly pulled his hand back. "Doctor!" He yelled, watching as the brunette shifted, and then time seemed to pass in slow motion as he was met with a set of two beautiful blue eyes that had been too dark to see on the night of the incident.

"Hey," He whispered, breath catching as he met Bucky's gaze. Not even a minute passed before he felt the all too familiar ache in his chest. He was falling in love.

This man would be the end of him

 

Bucky in the hospital -


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky awoke to the site of an angel. Great, he's died and gone to heaven. That was an accomplishment, at least. He let out a soft grown, and suddenly memories came flooding into his mind. The rain, the car, the pain... "Where am I?" He croaked, voice coming out in a rasp as if it hadn't been used in a while. His gaze focused on the man leaning over him, who contrary to his initial belief, was in fact very human.

"You're in the hospital, Bucky..."

He could've figured that much. How did this guy know his name though? "You're..." He paused for a moment, already exhausting himself. How long has he been out? "You hit me with your car...that's you, right?" He remembered a man giving him CPR...everything was fuzzy after that, though. It had been so dark that night, he hadn't been able to make out any of the strangers details. Except his voice. That in itself he could never forget.

Stranger bit his lip, looking away as if ashamed. "yeah... That'd be me." He let out a heavy sigh, meeting Bucky's gaze once more. "My name's Steve."

"Steve..." He murmured, offering the blond a small smile.  
\-----

It was several more weeks before Bucky was finally fit enough to be released from the hospital. He'd had several broken ribs, a fractured arm and collarbone, but other then that, he was fine. Except he wasn't. He hadn't seen Steve since leaving the hospital, and to say the least it was really affecting him.

"Mom, I'm fine, I just need some time alone." Bucky was fed up at this point. Everyone worrying about every step he took. Since the hospital visit he'd lost a part of him, that lively person who could always be found at the center of any social outing. The spark he carried with him. It had been lost along with everything else that had seemed to matter at the time. What had changed since then? He'd fallen in love for the first time, and chances were he'd never see that man again. Letting out a sigh, Bucky walked outside, losing himself in his thoughts as he made his way down to the lake. He wasn't allowed to pick up running again, to avoid the chance of re-injuring himself. Walking would have to do.

"James!"

Bucky spun around at the sound of his name, gaze quickly settling on a tall man with jet black hair, a scar zig-zagging from the top of his face down to his left eye. He knew the man. It was his drug dealer. "Zack..." He greeted, regarding the man with an uncertain sweep of his gaze. He knew he shouldn't be talking to him. Should have even turned and run at the all too familiar voice. What did it matter though? He's been sober for the past 2 months and for what? His life had no purpose. He'd realized that after admitting he would never see Steve again.

"Long time no see, man! Where've you been?I've missed seeing my most frequent customer."

Bucky let out a sharp laugh, rolling his eyes. "Hospital, dude. Got hit by a car, took me too long to recover." As he was speaking, he subconsciously pulled out his wallet, catching Zachary's gaze at it followed his hand.

"No kidding? Sorry to hear that... How 'bout I cut the price a bit for you, 'till you're back in the swing of things?"

Bucky eyed the plastic bag the dealer held, filled with the all too familiar white powder. He hadn't planned on this today, yet... "Uh...yeah. Sure, thanks."

"Yeah?"

Bucky nodded, pulling out a few large bills. This was wrong. Bad bad _bad_. He couldn't turn back now though. The temptation was getting to him. He just needed a little to take him off the edge... Zack handed him the bag and he felt his chest tighten as he eagerly began to hand over the money.

"HEY-" suddenly out of nowhere a man appeared, knocking Zack to the ground. Before Bucky could blink, said man had the dealer pinned down, hand pressing down against his chest, keeping him from moving.

It couldn't be. There was no way. "-Steve..?" He tried, but the man said nothing, glaring down at Zack with a look that could make someone internally combust. For that moment Bucky forgot all about the bag he was holding, letting it drop to the ground as he stumbled back in shock. The blond exchanged a few short words with his dealer, and the next thing he knew, Steve was pulling out his own wallet, yanking out a few bills before tossing it at the mans face.

"Steve, no!" Bucky could do nothing but watch as Steve walked over, picking the plastic bag up from where he'd dropped it. "Don't do this, please..." He felt his vision blur with tears, finally snapping out of his trance and grabbing hold of Steve who had opened the bag.

"Bucky stop. Let me go." The blond's voice was commanding, yet gently. He met Bucky's gaze and suddenly nothing else seemed to matter anymore except the fact that he was here. Steve was right there standing in front of him. He could never forgive himself if anything happened to this man, but something in the way the blond looked at him told Bucky that it was all going to be alright. Letting out a breath Bucky nodded, taking a step back away from Steve, who in turn walked over to the lake, crouching down on one knee and emptied the contents of the bag into the water. All Bucky could do was watch in amazement as the white powder quickly dissolved until there was no sign of it being there at all.

"I meant what I said." Steve spoke up again, pulling him out of the trance. His words weren't directed towards Bucky, though. They were meant for Zack. "If I ever find out you so much as SPOKE to Bucky, and I _will_ find out, I will make it my duty to make sure you _regret_ the day you were born."

Bucky had never seen Steve look so angry, and suddenly a surge of guilt washed over him. He'd been sober for over 2 months and he was just going to throw it all away? He didn't even notice the dealer getting up and bolting off. Didn't notice Steve appearing at his side, pulling him into his chest and wiping away the tear that had stubbornly escaped his eyes. What he did notice though was the blond leaning closer, speaking softly into his ear.

"I'm sorry."

And dammit, why was Steve apologizing. Chances were that simple act had just saved his entire future. 

"I just couldn't let him give you that, Buck. Couldn't stand back and watch him destroy your life."

Bucky was stunned. Still couldn't actually process this was happening. "How...why were you here?"

Steve pulled back, and Bucky was left feeling cold and empty. "This is where I run," he explain, gaze bright and shining. "That morning I uh...hit you? I was coming here to run."

"The brunette eyed him with a look of uncertainty. "In the pouring rain..." He questioned, disbelief evident in his tone.

Steve shrugged, leaning back. "A little rain never hurt anybody. What about you though? Just standing in the road..."

Bucky didn't want to tell him. Didn't want this man to know how messed up he was. At the same time though...he knew Steve would never judge him. "I run here too..." He murmured, meeting the other mans blue gaze. "But uh... The real reason, you just chased away."

It took a minute before understanding filled Steve's gaze, and then Bucky couldn't even look at him anymore. "That was the last time, Steve..." He whispered, feeling as if he needed to defend himself. "I haven't done it since the night you hit me."

And then Steve was holding him again, and Bucky buried his face in the crook of the blond's neck. For the first time in years he felt he had a reason to live.


	4. Chapter 4

True love was an idea that Bucky would have laughed at a few months ago. He would have claimed there was no such thing, maybe even no such thing as love at all. Sitting here at the dinner table surrounded around his family though... It just made him realize how wrong he had been.

"Who is she and when do we get to meet her?" Jacksons voice snapped him back to reality as he met his brothers gaze with a look of confusion. "Buck you've been staring at your plate since we started dinner, and I'm assuming you haven't fallen in love with a dish."

Bucky felt his face heating up, taking a swig of water to clear his head. "It's nothing."

He needed to change the topic or else he'd find himself in a very compromising situation. He was not in the mood to explain his sexuality to his homophobic family.

"Don't give me that BS, James. Can we at least get her name?"

That was it. That was his last straw. "Just drop it, okay?!" He yelled, quickly silencing his family who turned to stare at him. "There is no _she_. Stop saying _she_! You're so quick to assume, Jack. All of you are!"

Well, too late.

Bucky had pushed his chair back, getting to his feet and grabbing his phone. He couldn't even look at his family. Didn't want to see the disappointed, hateful looks he could feel drilling into his back. He walked over to the door, throwing it open as he prepared to step out. "Just for the record," he snapped, " _His_ name is Steve." The brunette slammed the door behind him, opening his phone and dialing the first number he saw.

He leaned back against the door, closing his eyes as he tried to calm down, waiting as the phone rang.

Once.

Twice.

"Bucky?"

Bucky released a breath of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Tears were slowly streaming down his cheek and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Steve..." His voice cracked and he let out a shaky breath. "I need you to come get me. I'm at my house. "

There was a long moment of silence on the other end before he heard Steve's voice again, alongside the engine of a car. "Meet me down by the road. I'll be right there."

Bucky hung up and shoved his phone back into his pocket, needing to get as far away from his family as possible. Steve only lived a few streets away and within no time he saw the distant headlights of the blond's car.

As soon as Bucky got in he was met with Steve's worried gaze. "This cars not going anywhere until you tell me what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it right now..." Bucky stared forward, unable to meet his gaze. His family would hate him, they would throw him out and he'd have nobody.

"I'm worried about you, Buck."

"I'll be fine. Can we just... I want to go to your house. Please..."

Steve parked the car to emphasize his point, face creased in concern as he stared at the brunette. "Bucky... Look at me."

Bucky let out a shaky breath, finally meeting his gaze. "You really want to know?"

"I want to make sure you're okay, Buck..."

The brunette bit his lip, uncertainty shining in his gaze. "I...I came out and told my family that I was in love. With a guy." He let out an exasperated laugh, shaking his head as he wiped away the tears. "Isn't that ridiculous, Steve? I just told my homophobic family I was gay."

"They never knew?"

Bucky pulled his knee up to his chest, staring out the window up to his house. He felt the buzz of his phone signaling a text but ignored it. "I never had a reason to tell them." He explained softly, grateful that his tears had finally stopped falling. "I've never been in love before. Never brought anyone home...I've never even dated. Just always thought, might as well save the pain of rejection if i can, y'know?"

Steve let out a soft sigh, nodding slowly. "You don't deserve that." He muttered, and he sounded so convincing that Bucky _almost_ believed him. Almost.

"So the guy you're in love with... How'd you two meet?"

Bucky fell silent, unable to help the small smile that appeared on his face. "Oh." He drew his tongue across his lips, meeting Steve's gaze. "He uh... He hit me with his car."

"Mm...that sounds painful."

Bucky felt the atmosphere tighten between them as he caught a glimmer shine in the blond's eye. Felt something change, and he knew Steve could feel it too.

"It was worth it," he breathed, slowly closing the distance between them as the blond leaned over the center council, close enough that their lips could brush.

"So does...does this guy...does he have a name?"

Steve was so close. Bucky could feel his breath on his lips and he was having the hardest time restraining himself at this point. "Yeah...yeah he does...his name is Steve..."

And that did it because suddenly those lips were on his and they were kissing, slow and beautiful, taking all the time in the world. At one point his hands found that glorious blond hair and the whine he pulled from Steve _did_ things to him he couldn't explain. He felt a dull pain of something digging into his side, probably the buckle of his seatbelt, but it didn't matter. Nothing in that moment mattered except Steve's lips, smooth and perfect, cleansing his sins and telling him that everything was going to be alright. They finally had to pull apart, both out of breath, and Bucky let out a whine at the site of the blond. Messed up hair, lips wet with saliva, gaze shining and God. "You're beautiful..." he murmured, voice filled with wonder and amazement. How could this man exist?

Steve shook his head, reaching over and wiping a tear from Bucky's face. "You should see yourself..."

And then they were kissing again, and Bucky knew he was in love.  
\-----

Steve opened the door to his apartment, holding it for Bucky as he walked in. All the lights were off, aside for the dim glow of the tv. "Hey Sam, this is Bucky, he'll be staying with us for a few days."

The blond had explained that Sam was his roommate, an unfortunate circumstance he had to put up with. In other words, a very annoying, close friend that he could never seem to get rid of.

Sam glanced over from where he was sitting on the couch, nodding in greeting to Bucky who in turn offered him a tired smile.

"Are you the dude Steve hit with his car? Steve, you never told me he had to get his arm amputated!"

Bucky winced at the mention of his arm, instinctively moving it behind his back. He caught the glare Steve shot towards the darker skinned man who quickly fell silent, attention returning to his show. "C'mon," he murmured into Bucky's ear, taking hold of his hand, the metal one, and leading him into a bedroom.

"I'm so sorry about him." He finally spoke up again once the door was closed, leaning his full weight against the wooden frame. "He's usually not that...insensitive."

"It's okay, Steve. He seems like a nice guy. I'm glad you have good friends like him."

Steve gave a half-hearted smile, pulling Bucky close against his chest, and letting out a soft breath when the brunette wrapped his arms around him, head coming to rest atop his shoulder.

They stood there in silence, listening to each other breath. Steve brought a hand up to play with Bucky's hair, drawing out a contented sigh from the brunette. "How the hell did I get lucky enough to get hit with your car..." He murmured, breathing in the scent of Steve who returned his words by whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

Eventually they mad it into Steve's bed, where Bucky fell asleep to the beat of his heart, spooned against him, and safe in the blonde's embrace. A thought crossed his mind as he was slipping into his dreams...he couldn't remember ever being as happy as he had been with Steve.

_This_ Bucky realized, was love.


	5. Chapter 5

The faint sound of ringing pulled Bucky from his deep sleep, instantly being met with a wave of confusion upon opening his eyes. He was in an unfamiliar surrounding, a large bedroom to be exact, with light tan painted walls, a desk in the corner of the room, and a tall bookshelf on the other side. He heard a soft groan as a man sat up in bed, tiredly rubbing his eyes. Suddenly all the memories from the night before came flooding into his mind and Bucky just wanted to disappear.

"Oh God..." He murmured, head falling back and hitting the pillow. It was all too much to take in. "What was I thinking?!"

Steve glanced over at Bucky, hair ruffled from sleep and face etched in concern. As if he wanted to comfort the brunette, but just wasn't sure how.

Letting out a soft sigh, Bucky swung his legs over the bed, getting to his feet before walking over to the night stand where he'd set his phone the night before.

"Buck-"

Bucky turned on his phone and was immediately greeted by a series of texts. He fell silent, gaze skimming over the dozens of notifications. "...Oh my God... Steve..." he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he scrolled through text after text, hateful comments screaming at him. Most of them were from his father, telling him the devil had gotten to him and he needed find a priest. Some of them were from his older brother, and even a few from his mom.

"I didn't want you seeing them..." Steve had come over to stand beside Bucky, wrapping his arm protectively around him. "None of it's true..."

"My own brother," Bucky whispered, voice hoarse. "Told me to go to Hell." A tear slipped down the brunettes cheek as he turned off his phone, setting it back onto the nightstand. He'd been expecting this kind of reaction...he'd warned himself, yet seeing it like this, seeing the people that loved him saying it... it made it all the more real. Steve held him tightly, rubbing his back comfortingly and that's when Bucky made a decision. He had to be strong through this. No more tears. No more hurt. He found that most of his strength came from Steve, so he'd have to adapt to revolving his world around the blond.

Steve brushed a strand of hair out of Bucky's face, planting a soft kiss onto his forehead. "It's going to be okay, baby. I'll be here for you as long as you need me."

Bucky let out a shaky breath, giving a nod in acknowledgement to his words. "I have to move on from this. They don't matter to me." Bucky pulled away, turning around to meet Steve's gaze.  "Just you."

He leaned forward, taking Steve's lips in a smooth kiss, receiving a pleased sound from the blond. He backed Steve up against the door, hands moving up to cup the other mans face. Bucky drew in a deap breath as he felt Steve's tongue pressing against his lip, seeking permission to enter which he eagerly granted. He moaned softly at the taste of the man he'd fallen in love with, gaze fluttering closed as they made out. This was how his life was meant to be. This is how life _should_ be.

The taste of Steve was addicting. He never wanted it to end, and eventually he lost complete track of time. How long had they been at it? An hour? minutes? He felt Steve pulling him closer, releasing a drawn out moan into the blonde's mouth.

"Hey Steve did you get the let-"

Bucky tore away from the blond at the sound of Sam's voice, turning around to see the dark skinned man standing wide eyed in the doorway, mouth gaping in shock.

"Sam, uh...," He glanced back at Steve to see the blond swallow, skin flushed and pupils blown wide. His breath caught in his throat at the site of the man, before slowly returning his attention to Sam.

"So you're...he's..."

It took a moment for Bucky to recover, and another to find the right words.

"-The reason I don't have a gravestone that says: Rest in Peace, James Buchanan Barnes. died from overdosing." he finally managed, saying it so matter of factly, gaze glued to Sam. "So yes. In other words we _were_ just making out and I _think_ he was about to take it to the next step if _somebody,"_ He shot a glare back to the other man, "Hadn't strolled in and in-"

"-We're dating." Steve finally spoke up, cutting Bucky off mid-sentence who only smirked in response.

"Yeah, no shit." Sam's gaze flickered from Steve back to Bucky before he let out a long breath, head shaking slowly as he backed out of the room. "You know it would've been nice if you'd mentioned that last night when you _introduced_ me to the guy!" He called over his shoulder. "Man, wait till 'Tash finds out about this."

They heard him muttering something about always being the last to find out and Steve couldn't help but chuckle, following the man out the door along with Bucky.

They walked into the kitchen to find Sam leaning over the countertop, phone held up to his ear.

"Yes, I know what I saw, Nat. Captain Rogers has a boyfriend."

Bucky's gaze shot to Steve who seemed unfazed by the conversation, if anything a little annoyed. Had he misheard?

\---

_Bucky hadn't  joined the army because he wanted to. He doubted many of the men out on the field really did, though when drafting season came around, he'd been one of the first names called._

_"Captain Rogers," A tall, broad shouldered blond introduced himself, catching Bucky's gaze as he walked down the line of men. "General Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons, but are won by men. We are going to win this war because we have the best men."_

_Bucky rolled his eyes, glancing at the other men who were all standing at attention._

_The blond came back down the line as he continued speaking, catching Bucky by surprise when he stopped in front of him._

_"What's your name, soldier?"_

_His voice was deep, yet smooth. He met Bucky's gaze straight on, sending a shiver down his spine. "Sargent James Barnes," he stated, smirking as he exaggerated a salute._

_"This isn't some ally, Barnes. It's a war. You better start cleaning up your act and taking this seriously. Am I clear?"_

_Bucky stared back at the man...his captain... and he knew in that moment that he'd be willing to follow this man into the jaws of death, if that's what it took. "Yes **sir** , captain."_

\-----

"Steve..."

The blond blinked, looking over to Bucky with a look of confusion. "Sorry, yeah?"

"Sam just...he called you Captain Rogers..."

Steve bit his lip, uncertainty flashing in his gaze. "That's a joke," he explained, glancing over at Sam who was still chatting with Natasha. "He's made fun of me for being single for years. Always said when I got a boyfriend he'd start calling me Captain."

Sam must have been listening to their conversation because he turned to salute to Steve, smirk blooming across his face. "I don't know, Nat! why don't you ask him yourself??" The man rolled his eyes before handing his phone over to Steve who got up and left the room.

So that just left Bucky and Sam.

"Dude you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Bucky stared down at his hands, turning over Steve's words again. "Was he...in the army?"

He knew

The question brought out a laugh from Sam who walked over to sit next to Bucky. "Yeah, we both were. 107th...those were the good days. I refused to address him as captain, finally promising I would if he ever got into a relationship."

"The 107th??" Buckys eyes widened as Sam nodded, leaning back in his chair. All at once everything clicked into place.

"Yeah, why?"

At this point Bucky was in shock. All those days in the army, following his captains orders...he never could have known that just a few years later... Bucky let out a soft laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "107th, Sargent James Barnes," He introduced, standing up to hold out a hand.

\--- Steve returned several minutes later, forehead creased in frustration after answering every question known to man regarding one James Bucky Barnes.

"Did you fellas hold up without me?"

Bucky turned around, eyes shining as he watched Steve walk back into the room, handing Sam his phone with a look that said 'you ever tell Natasha about my relationships again you'll live the rest of your life regretting it.'

"Yes _sir_ ," Bucky said, exaggerating a salute before adding, " _Captain_."

He'd never forget the reaction he got from Steve.

 

 ------------

"Yes _sir_ , captain."

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

James Barnes. Suddenly the name clicked and everything made sense. He remembered the man with that cocky attitude and charming personality, mocking his title with that adorable way of his. He would always be greeted with the same exaggerated salute, the one reserved only for him, and a look that seemed to say, 'You hung the stars, and I believe the moon and the planets was your doing, too.'

Except...That man had fallen off a train on one of their missions. Had been reported, 'Killed in Action,' and that was that. So Steve had filed away any memory of the soldier to the back of his mind, because forgetting was so much easier then accepting the truth. Yet staring at the man in front of him...Right. he was still staring. Get it together, Rogers.

"You died!" He finally managed, voice cracking. And where was the award for the best remark in history because it should've gone to him.

"Do I _look_ dead to you, Rogers??"

"I watched you fall, Bucky! Hundreds of feet! You really expect me to believe you survived that?!"

"Christ, Steve! Yes! You ever wondered why I have a metal arm?! It broke my fall, and I blacked out. Someone found me and sent me back to the U.S. to recover. I was in a freaking coma for 9 _months_ , and the rest of my life has been a living hell. So to answer your question, I do expect you to believe it because God Dammit that's what happened!"

Sam was watching their exchange with wide eyes, memories slowly coming back to him about his time  in the war. He remembered Steve mentioning the soldier, who as he'd put it at the time, had been repeatedly, 'hitting on him.'

"God you guys are like an old married couple." he grumbled, rolling is eyes. The dark skinned man got to his feet before walking out of the room, leaving them to sort it out on their own.

"You planned this out," Steve finally concluded, unable to come up with any other logical explanation. "You've been stalking me for years, finding out where i'd be at any given time so you co-"

"Walk into the middle of the road and get hit by your car?" Bucky let out a sharp laugh at that, amusement void of his tone. "Yep, that's exactly what happened. Bucky Barnes logic right there. I gotta hand it to you, Stevie. Didn't think you'd ever figure It out."

Steve rolled his eyes, letting out a rush of air as he leant back against the countertop, head falling into his hand. "My life is getting weirder every day," He muttered, looking back up to meet Bucky's beautiful blue gaze. "God, my life was so _normal_ before you waltzed into it. Flipped everything upside down."

The brunette returned his gaze, eyes filling with a look of awe and wonder as Steve offered him a small smile. "There it is," He breathed, referring to the look shining in the man's blue orbs as he stepped over to Bucky. "Not that i'm complaining." He continued, reaching out and running a hand down the other man's clean-shaven face.  

Bucky raised an eyebrow questioningly, though didn't pull back from Steve's touch. Instead he leaned into it, eyes closing softly.

"In fact," Steve hummed, pressing his face to Bucky's hair. "I wouldn't have it any other way.."

"Well isn't that romantic." Sam's voice jolted him back in surprise, a look of frustration flashing over his face. "Every. Single. Time. _Seriously_ , Wilson?"

Sam smirked, walking back over from where he'd been standing, just a few feet away. "Did you lovebirds finally make up, say your 'I love you's' and that shit?"

Bucky cleared his throat, glancing up at Steve expectantly who just laughed, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss against the brunettes lips. "I love you," He murmured, gaze shining. The other man let out a soft laugh, rolling his eyes. "I love you too, you punk."

"Jerk."

\----

Bucky stood out on the balcony of the apartment, watching as the sun slowly slipped beneath the horizon. It was times like this when he had a moment to himself to think. He suddenly heard the soft 'click' of the door being opened, glancing over his shoulder to see Steve walking over.

"Hey, everything okay?"

The brunette sighed, a small smile showing on his tired face. "I'm almost okay," He murmured, hands reaching out to grip the rail. He couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head. "And almost okay is leaps and bounds from how far I've come since the day you hit me."

"i'm glad you're doing better..." Steve's voice was soft, like how he'd imagine an angel would sound.

Bucky nodded, finally meeting Steve's gaze. "So I have a thing coming up..." the brunette chewed his bottom lip uneasily, not quite sure how to phrase this. "Every year my family holds this charity event. Its a dance...And every single year I've gone single."

"Bucky..." Steve warned, knowing exactly where this conversation was going.

"I need a plus one."

Steve said nothing, a worried look taking over his face. Finally after what seemed like forever he voiced his thoughts, only making Bucky that much more sure of his decision.

"What will they think of you, Bucky."

"My family?"

Steve drew in a breath, running a hand through his hair. "Everyone, Buck. God I want to say yes, you know I do. But your well being matters so much more to me. You read the texts. i'm sure that'll be nothing compared to what they'll say if they see you there with me..."

Bucky closed his eyes, emotions swarming him. The love he felt for this man was so overwhelming; he couldn't believe somebody this perfect existed, let alone was _his_. He opened his eyes, placing a hand on the blond's shoulder as he met his gaze. "I know what they'll say, Steve. It won't be anything I haven't heard before. I need you to trust me, though. This isn't for you, or for any of them. This is for me. I shouldn't have to hide who I am... shouldn't be ashamed of it. If they call me out on it, throw insults at me, then let them. I'll have you by my side and once I remember that, it won't even matter."

"If it gets to be too much..." Steve finally murmured, reaching over to brush a few strands of hair out of the brunettes face, "Then we're leaving. That's the deal."

Bucky nodded, wiping away a tear from his eye. "Thank you, Steve..."

The blond drew him in against his chest, holding him close. "I love you so much, Bucky... So much. I'm so lucky to have you."

In response Bucky buried his face against Steve's neck, unable to form the right words. He knew he should say it back. Tell him how he probably wouldn't even be alive at this point if it wasn't for him. Instead though, he silently thanked whatever greater being there was out there for bringing this man into his life, and for the first time since his days in the war, the tears he shed were tears of joy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, hope you enjoy it!

"Steve, i dont think Grey..."

"It looks great on you, Buck. You look amazing. The blue tie really brings out your eyes and you look beautiful as always."

Bucky rolled his eyes, straightening his tie in the mirror. Steve had picked out a light grey suit for him, along with a navy blue one for himself. 

"Buck, by the time you finish fixing your hair the dance is going to be over." Steve laughed as Bucky let out a huff of annoyance before letting the blond grab his hand and drag him out the door. It was only a short drive, and they arrived within just a few minutes. Bucky turned off the ignition, falling silent as he stared out the window towards the masses of people entering the building. 

"We don't have to do this," The gentle voice of Steve snapped him back to reality, reminding him how fortunate he was to have this man. 

"No, i can do it." Letting out a breath he stepped out of the car, waiting as Steve came around to his side. He took the other man's hand in his, gripping it tightly before giving a nod. "You ready?"

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. "No, but then again i don't think I'll ever be."

"I'll be right here the whole time, never leaving your side."

"I know."

With that they made their way in, merging into the crown of people. Once inside, it seemed a lot less claustrophobic then Bucky had originally expected, Though within no time he began noticing familiar faces.

They had spoken about what would happen in certain circumstances, such as an indirect family member coming up to talk to him, or if he just needed a minute to mingle. It was agreed that Bucky would gently squeeze Steve's hand, followed by the blonde politely excusing himself to get a drink.

"i have to let my family know I'm here..." Bucky murmured, just loud enough to be heard above the music that was coming from the speakers. He met Steve's assuring gaze, drawing the confidence he needed from the man before making his way to the front of the room, Steve in tow. "Do you mind waiting here?" Bucky knew he needed to face his mom alone, after disappearing for over two weeks along with no contact. He'd stopped looking at his messages when he realized the hateful comments weren't going to stop, and had Steve clear his phone before he even thought about using it. So for all they knew, he could be dead.

"Of course."

Bucky  offered him a grateful smile, leaning forward to kiss him softly on the lips. "i love you, " He murmured, before turning around and heading towards the stand where he'd spotted his mother prepping for her speech. He quickly felt the anxiety building in his chest as he closed the distance, letting out a breath as he stopped, only a few feet from her. 

"Mom..."

His mom looked up in surprise, face changing to reveal a series of different emotions, finally settling on what appeared to be a forced smile. "James," She regarded him, and he knew immediately that she wasn't happy.

His mom stepped off the stage, motioning for him to follow her and he suddenly felt his chest tightening, the sense of claustrophobia growing with each breath. He risked a quick glance over his shoulder in hopes of catching site of Steve, but the man was nowhere to be found through the crowd of people. He was going to have to do this alone. Letting out a breath he followed after his mom, hardly surprised when she led him outside. Great, at least after she murdered him the stench of his dead body wouldn't smell up the room. 

"Hello, mother..." He greeted, meeting her gaze with his own.

"Two weeks and 4 days. That's how long you were gone. Just vanished without a trace. No texts, no phone calls. Nothing."

"Right, because you expected me to respond to what you sent me."

"I saw you kiss him. That man is influencing you, James! One day you meet him, the next you've come home and decided you like men! It's just a simple mistake of character, and once you understand that, you'll realize what you're doing!"

Bucky didn't think he'd ever been so angry in his life. He was shaking with rage, having to physically bite his cheek to keep from exploding. "Is that a joke? Tell me, is that what you _really_ think? Because i'll drop a reality bomb on you. I've known i was gay since 8th grade. you always asked why i never brought any girls home. why i never dated anyone? You want to know how i found out I like guys, mom?

Bucky paused, glaring at his mom as he waited for her to say something, but was met with only her cold, hard stare. So he continued.

"It was after gym one day in the locker room. I caught myself staring at a guy shirtless, and realized he was more beautiful then any girl i'd ever seen. I never told you because i wasn't ready for the rejection. Until I met Steve, and realized he was worth it."

"What has happened to you..." His mother whispered, unable to meet his gaze any more. 

"I'm in love with him, mom. I owe my entire _life_ to him. Did you know i've been sober for over four months? Haven't gotten high since the day he hit me..." Bucky fell silent, memories flashing back of that night in the storm. "I was ready to die..." He murmured, gazing off into the darkness of the night. "I was just standing in the middle of the road, and when the car came hurtling towards me, i didnt move. I guess there are such a thing as angels, because this one brought me out of the darkness."

At that Bucky turned, opening the door and walking back inside. He felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off of his shoulders as he made his way through the mass of people, finding Steve towards the edge of the crowd.

"Steve," his voice came out in what was almost a whimper as he collapsed into the blondes embrace, hardly registering the man that Steve had been talking to until he heard a familiar voice speaking his name.

"Hey, Bucky..."

"Hey, Jack," Bucky looked up, narrowing his eyes at his brother, tone filled with spite. "In case you're wondering, yeah, i got the message. Instead of going to hell though, i went home with Steve. We're dating, in case i hadn't made that clear." 

Jack sighed, a look of guilt washing through his gaze. "can we move this outside? It's quieter out there, and i really need to talk to you about this."

Bucky was about to object when he felt Steve take his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Letting out a sigh he nodded, following his brother as they made their way onto the patio where soft music was playing. "What." He refused to meet Jack's gaze, instead focusing his attention on the couples dancing to the slow melody.

"Bucky, look. I'm sorry. I was so wrong to do that to you... I've spent so much time thinking about what i said and about your...relationship with Steve. It was a lot to take in. I wasn't expecting it, and i didn't respond to it like i should have. You deserve so much better then that. And I know Steve will give you the world."

Bucky didn't respond at first, surprised that his brother had admitted to being wrong, and even more so that he seemed to be accepting him and Steve. "So then..." He finally spoke up, leaning into Steve's touch as he felt the other man's arm wrap around him. "You're okay with this? That I'm...Gay."

"I'm okay with Steve," he explained, a hesitant smile on his face. "And that'll have to be enough." Jack gave the brunette a soft pat on the shoulder before turning and walking off, leaving just the two of them once more.

"Bucky?" 

"Yeah, Steve?"

Steve pulled away, turning to face the brunette as he held out a hand. "May i have this dance?"

"I've been waiting to hear those words all night," He murmured, joy filling his blue orbs as he took hold of the blonde's hand, moving close enough that their chests could brush, his head resting over Steve's shoulder as they slowly stepped to the beat of the melody. "I'm not going to hide it anymore," He whispered into the blonde's ear, hands moving to wrap around his neck, breathing in his sweet scent. "I'll tell the world I love you. Make sure everyone knows it."

"I'm never letting you go again. You're mine."

"Yours." Bucky breathed, the words sounding like an oath. One that he planned on keeping for as long as he lived.

\------

They danced until the clock struck One, followed by Bucky finishing up the night with his speech. He kept true to his word, telling the world his story about how he fell in love with his captain, and ended up saying yes when Steve came up on stage, taking the microphone and dropping down on one knee to ask for Bucky's hand in marriage. They kissed while the crowd applauded, and Bucky couldn't have been happier. He'd been in the darkest part of his life... And out of that darkness came his light.

 


End file.
